December 18, 2010

• It was what it was

  epiphanic shock

  just before the song ended,
  in the corner of a notion
  about how I once defended,
  with blank or calm emotion,
  an outburst of confused remorse,
  encumbered by pure devotion
  to an uneventful, maddening course
  of deliberate mental locomotion,
  to a sentimental favorite sanity

  I saw glitter in the night fog
  in the shape of laughing faces
  and, down the street, a white dog
  seemed to be in several places
  with its nose dragging the ground
  descrying problematic traces
  of some rumors going around
  that I’ve had a few disgraces
  just because of undistinguished vanity

  when it didn’t even mean that much,
  I was ashamed for no real blunder,
  yet shame is pride and, viewed as such,
  I reproached myself in wonder
  if the song had stormed my vision
  and fantasies come out from under
  some previous dubious decision
  or, only now, do I hear the thunder
  of my own electric charged humanity

  a small order of jumbo shrimp

  grade A buffet with napkins and sauce
  to help yourself with aplomb generosity
  partake party and revelry sate no loss
  kinship friendship mutual dependency
  and a mess to clean up
  and a child needs to sleep
  because the world got lost for a while

  indulge consumption the whim of lust
  and remember the ones who forgot to ask
  or suffered the luck of misplaced trust
  or didn’t know the proper test or task
  and just wanted it all
  as soon as possible
  before the world returns

  Past Imperfect

  She was more than I expected but much less than I could see
  as she followed in my footsteps yet remained ahead of me
  I held her hand, she was my heart, I couldn’t find my own
  and I wish the biggest part of her would yet remain unknown

  married before the wedding
  parent before the child
  servant to chosen masters
  domestics in the wild
   
  starving for a hunger
  groping for release
  belonging to an anarchy
  unsatisfied with peace

  we planned to improvise and still we couldn’t pull it off
  and we worried far too much about the things we couldn’t scoff
  we cared so for each other though sometimes we wondered why
  I wish it was still like it was when we didn’t even try

  home became some new place
  never felt like it was here
  we moved whenever we felt like it
  but never came anywhere near

  we’d gone so far so randomly
  so what else could we do?
  we’re flexible and prone to bounce
  and ready for something new

  we looked back and discovered that all our tracks were gone
  so caught up in seeing new roads, we couldn’t see the road we’re on
  and the sights we set were higher than either one could reach alone
  it’d be sweet to do it over without knowing what we’d known

  lighting candles in the daylight never leads to any good
  it seems only on my birthday have I ever understood
  my life was always my life, she was more than company
  and she filled the air with tenderness, most times in spite of me

  Heart-Shaped Universe

  Her heart-shaped arse
  made my arrow quiver
  and I drooled like a fool in school

  It was cupid, the fiend
  shot me full of vigor,
  full of bull, and in school bullies rule

  Her arse-shaped heart
  flipped me a middle finger
  and the thing is the sting still rings

  It was stupid, it seems
  to believe in forever
  when never is almost the same thing

  The Night Watch

  As the garden snake slinks through the verdant high grass
  And the mountain goat leaps across the rocky high pass
  The divorced man sips absently at his full highball glass
  While the television provides slight distraction

  The Nature Channel reminds him that life will prevail
  That to live is to succeed and to die is to fail
  And he feels small success from not landing in jail
  Though he’s guilty of sorrowful inaction

  His mind is preoccupied with what will I do now?
  For he knows why to live but he doesn’t know how
  And he longs for a love that his heart won’t allow
  As he attempts to recall satisfaction

  His glass now is empty and his eyes are now dry
  The night birds are singing and he believes he knows why
  It’s because in the morning they’ll be able to fly
  Without thinking of coming attractions

  Her Prerogative

  Her word was her sun, her laugh was her moon
  Her eyes danced as if she was blind
  She coaxed me inside my hideaway of shame
  And then she completely changed her mind

  I gave her my life, my heart and my soul
  I enriched her with all I could find
  She wore my jewellery and she ate my dessert
  And one day she just changed her mind

  And all of the reasons
  The things that I did that I didn’t want to do
  They passed with the seasons
  I fell into darkness so deep and so blue
  I never hit bottom
  Still falling today at a leisurely pace
  Considering last autumn
  And the joy that went missing from her face

  Laughter drained solemnly from her face

  Her days were her works and her nights were her games
  Her love was the interesting kind
  She took me to heart and then ripped me apart
  When one day she just changed her mind

  • 9:22 am
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